I Wait

I keep on waiting
here by my lonesome
for the man that stole my heart
All those many years ago
Our timing was never right
but our friendship built to last
We’d lose each other
only to be found again
My heart could never let you go
Though there’s no question it should

Your choices, your fears

The reasons that led us here
Still here we are after all these years
back to a point of lines

I stand on one side
While you on the other
It should be easy
But this is not a line to cross

You said it was the right choice
Still you seemed to wonder
Should it have been different
What if we’d had our chance

I wanted to scream
Confirm the thoughts you pondered
Yet you seemed so sure
It was time to move on

It still is

This I know
And I get so close
Then there you are
Memories like yesteryear
Vivid and tugging
So I stop
Wondering if the day will ever come
When I no longer have to wait

To see you standing before me
Saying what I’ve been longing to hear
That you made a mistake
All a long it was me
I’m the one you love
This is how it should have been

I know these are only words
Ones I’ll never get to hear
Yet I cannot help but wait
For the day I wait no more
And I can finally share my love
With that man I’ve been dreaming of

 

Copyright 2013 ~smh~

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Cannot Help but Wonder

I cannot help but wonder
Sitting here thinking of you
Would it really matter
The things that I have to say
Long lost on my tongue
Words I couldn’t bear to convey

I cannot help but wonder
If what you felt was true
When push came to shove
You were so easily removed

I cannot help but wonder
Was it all just a dream
Deeply in lasting love
Or hidden in lusting for all the above

I cannot help but wonder
We’re still so deeply attached
Even after all these years
Friends never detached

I cannot help but wonder
Do you still think of me
In the moments I can’t help but to think of you
Did you really fall
Heads over heels
This was truth as I was told

Still there’s that elephant between us
Now with a saddle upon his back
So I cannot help but wonder
Whose holding on more
Is it you to me
Or me to you
We keep coming back
Even after all these years

I cannot help but wonder
If I said what was on my heart
Would you even hear the words
Or ignore them like your faults

I know it is a hopeless dream
Fading like the dark into day
Still I cannot help but wonder
What would you say
If I spoke those words
The ones we never brought ourselves to say

Copyright 2013 ~smh~

Hating Me, Wanting You

I hate you

For reasons I cannot explain

I love you

For reasons I do not know

I close my eyes and you are there

I open my eyes and see your ghost

Like a scar upon my face

I see you everyday

You haunt me

Worse than a bad memory

No matter how hard I try to forget

It tugs and tugs at my heart

I cannot seem to let you go

I should have moved on so long ago

I was not good enough for you

You were no good for me

It was long in our past

Yet, it seems like yesterday

The pain is so strong

It truly hurts when I breathe

My heart bleeds

Feels as if it is shredded

Over and over and over again

I cry  waterless tears

But none the less real

Trying to start everyday new

Here you come seeping through

Like whitewater rapids

Your memory sucks me in

Thrashing and tossing me about

I hit my knees

Praying for some kind of relief

For my mind to be clear of you

Never to again think of  you

Still I think I hate you

Knowing that I love you

You’re not worth the time

I was not worth yours

I hate you

For only one reason I can explain

I hate you for making me hate me

I hate me for wanting you

I hate me, because I can’t stop loving you

~2013 SMH~