Hating Me, Wanting You

I hate you

For reasons I cannot explain

I love you

For reasons I do not know

I close my eyes and you are there

I open my eyes and see your ghost

Like a scar upon my face

I see you everyday

You haunt me

Worse than a bad memory

No matter how hard I try to forget

It tugs and tugs at my heart

I cannot seem to let you go

I should have moved on so long ago

I was not good enough for you

You were no good for me

It was long in our past

Yet, it seems like yesterday

The pain is so strong

It truly hurts when I breathe

My heart bleeds

Feels as if it is shredded

Over and over and over again

I cry  waterless tears

But none the less real

Trying to start everyday new

Here you come seeping through

Like whitewater rapids

Your memory sucks me in

Thrashing and tossing me about

I hit my knees

Praying for some kind of relief

For my mind to be clear of you

Never to again think of  you

Still I think I hate you

Knowing that I love you

You’re not worth the time

I was not worth yours

I hate you

For only one reason I can explain

I hate you for making me hate me

I hate me for wanting you

I hate me, because I can’t stop loving you

~2013 SMH~

5 thoughts on “Hating Me, Wanting You

      • Only Christ can totally break it. I had these soul ties to my ex who abused me.. I feared him but was still drawn to him. It was like having an invisible “bungee cord” attaching us. I had to stop all contact with him and just kept praying. This is how many victims are and many who love deeply. I pray that these soul ties be broken in the Mighty Name of Jesus and that healing and restoration will come to you in Jesus name. Amen… Many blessings to you.

      • I thank you for the prayers and blessings. I am sorry that you had to go through what you went through, but it seems you were able to break through. Many blessings to you as well.

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