Let It Go (ramble)

As I was trying to drift off to sleep, I started to think about things in my life that I have been holding on to. Okay, so it is mainly people that I have been holding on to, but I digress. Anyway, as I thought about one person in particular, I started hearing “Let it go”…you know the song? Yeah, thanks for that Frozen. Anyway, as the phrase “let it go” musically lingered in my head, I began to contemplate this phrase in relation to my life.

Now, most would probably consider me an open book. Those people don’t actually know the half of it. However, I will admit the fact that I’ve got some heavy weight. A lot of us do. It is life.

As I was thinking about this person, I was thinking about the impact on my life. I then began thinking about a few other people and the impact that they have had. I would love to say that the majority of this impact is positive, but let’s face it…I probably wouldn’t be up at 11:30 at night with heavy eye lids if it was. The truth is, though these people have given me positive memories, they have also burdened me with a heavy weight because of the not so happy memories. However, it is not fair to blame them as a lot of it is on me. I mean it is me and my inability to let things go.

I mean again let’s face it, how many really can? The majority of us all hold on to people and things in hope of something. We definitely hold on to pain and resentment no matter how hard we try not to. When it is things, it is usually because of sentimental value that we think it still holds. The odds are that at some point that thing became nothing more than something to take up space. When it comes to people, it is usually the happy memories that they gave us despite all the bad. We don’t want to see what these things and people are really doing to us or it is our own fear of failing and giving up that whatever it is that continues to hold us to them. Truth is…we’re afraid of losing whatever it is within ourselves that we think that this person and/or things represent.

As I thought about these people as they are in my life. Though, I will not lie, I’ve got boxes of things to clear out. Anyway, as I thought mainly about the people that I truly do just need to let go, I began to picture a boat. A boat sinking and being weighed down by water. When you are in a boat and it is taking on water, when there is no escape what do you do? You start getting rid of the dead weight in attempts to make the boat not as heavy. We are the boats and everything else in our life is the water.

At points it is beautiful and peace. At other points, it is rough and the waves are shaking our boat and sometimes smashing parts of it. Eventually, if we are not careful we begin to take on water and most of us stubborn ones…well, we refuse to get rid of the dead weight. We think that we don’t need to do this, because it will all work out just fine. If doesn’t challenge us, it doesn’t change us. However, if we don’t change, the challenge becomes nothing more than a storm with us stuck in the middle of the ocean without a life jacket.

I think that this has been a long time in the making and though I am scared of what will happen, I know that it is time to start letting go and I don’t just mean talking about letting go. No, I mean truly letting go. Releasing the dead weight and bailing out the unnecessary water. I may still sink, but at least I will know that I did everything in my power to try and not.

I can’t tell you what to do with your boat, but for me…. “Let it go…let it go…can’t hold me back anymore” (and the cold never has bothered me anyway and you’ll never see me cry).

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Say Yes

So, apparently this has been the week for “deep thoughts”. Yes, prepare yourselves, because that means another lengthy post.

About a week ago I made a couple of life altering choices. Most know this because of my status updates and some know the exact decisions made. When I made the biggest decision of all, I was so very excited. I mean, truly elated. I know so deeply that it is the right decision and I have this uncontrollable, passionate, “no word for it” emotion. I mean, to be honest, seeing where this path goes…well, it ranks right up there with seeing the Dawn of the Planet of the Apes in July. Yeah, that’s how serious I am about this decision.

Anyway, as the week has continued and I’ve been doing the things necessary to get the ball rolling, well, I’ve run into some bumps. Now, to show you how much I’ve grown..I’m calling them bumps. The old princess would have called them walls and said forget it, it wasn’t meant to be. There is a huge part of me that still wants to do this. The mistakes of the past are making it a little bit more difficult than anticipated. I knew there were going to be some blocks, but I wasn’t prepared for this.

So, as I was working out today, frustrated and pondering if I can really go through all of this and just have it fail, I started hearing the song by Michelle Williams, “Say yes”. Now, first off, the princess listens to rock and country. Anything else, well there are very few songs that make it through. However, this song is about Jesus. Now, before you think…oh, for the love, hear me out.

Most that know me know that though I believe wholeheartedly in the man above, truth be told, we’re not always on speaking terms. Alas, that is a conversation for another day. Now, back to my point. In this song are the lyrics, “When Jesus says yes, nobody can say no. When Jesus says yes, nobody can say no.” Guess what kept playing in my head as I was trying to talk myself into giving up.

Now, I thought about this for a moment, because like I said the Man and I, well, you’d probably have better luck getting me in a pair of red cowboy boots most days; especially, when I’m frustrated and feeling defeated. It made me think about the way that I was feeling when I initially made this decision, though. I was over elated and it was a feeling that I have never felt before. I mean that “without a doubt this is right” feeling. Do I think that was the Man above talking to me? Well, I stay off of religious soap boxes. Never discuss politics and religion in polite company. I do believe that it goes to say something about the choices we make.

We often make decisions that we have these said feelings about and as soon as we hit bumps we start doubting and trying to convince ourselves that it probably isn’t worth the hassle. Some of us, we start feeling defeated. Eventually, we even get to the point where we say forget it, even though somewhere inside there is a voice telling us not to give up. God, Jesus, Buddha, yourself, or whoever. Your belief determines the owner of that voice, but in the end it all says the same…something or someone wants you to hold on. Especially, if we had that “no word for it” passion that we made the right decision.

So, now that I’ve already rambled forever. I know, I know, deal with it. My point is simple, if you have that decision or that thing that you are absolutely passionately elated about…don’t let the road blocks keep you from it. If something says yes, nobody can say no. It’s all up to you, you are in control. (I’ve really got to stop quoting songs).

Live, laugh, love, and let it ride, my darlins.