Within

I look in the mirror
People’s words ring through
Some I shake off
Some linger on

Color of my skin
Sound of my voice
Color of my eyes
The hair on my head

Judgments
Assumptions
Thinking they know it all
Categorizing by looks alone

Things they don’t know
Tattoos I don’t show
Scars hidden away
Much more than can be seen

Not even half of who I am
So much more than meets the eye
Never getting a chance to show
What’s inside is the story to be told

Still these things don’t seem to matter
As image is what they care about
Opinions do not bother
All this has made me stronger

It is they that miss out on what is
Not getting past my looks
For looks do not define me
Because I’m well aware of who’s within

Copyright 2015 ~SMH~

Glass

Days pass by
Time flies
Before I know
Years are gone

Waiting patiently
For promises made
Friends by my side
Family to my aid

Moments never come
Another promise broken
As if I don’t exist
As if I don’t matter

Am I a flower upon the wall
Invisible to the naked eye
So easy to forget
Just the same to ignore

Is it my giving nature
My charitable heart
Forgiveness that I live by
Not worth the time to fight

Is it that I stand my ground
Don’t yell loud enough
See me see me see me
Refusing to pass the middle

I’ve given all I’ve had
Trying so hard to be seen
Still alas I’m looked through
As if I’m nothing more than glass

Copyright 2015 ~SMH~

Out of Hand

This has gotten out of hand
The world we live
Self-righteousness
Sanctimoniousness

Not our place to judge
Yet we do it everyday
Telling others what to do
Decisions not ours to make

Banning others for who they are
Discrimination
Assumptions
Wrong before right

Against each other
In a country united
Trying to make it a better land
Taking away what made it free

This has gotten out of hand
The land we live
Pushing others away
All to reinforce the simple

We know who we are
Our beliefs
Our morals
Our selves

Why is it we must
Change who others are
Be in control
When it is our self that is really lost

Copyright 2015 ~SMH~

Miss You

You crossed my mind today
Like so many days before
Out of nowhere
A storm rolling in

The good times
Fun we had
Talks we shared
Laughs so endless

Our first kiss
The first time
Wrapped in your arms
In the moment

So often your image dances
Through my mind
Wading in and out
Like high tide

Then there is the pain
As our story plays
Beginning to end
The words you said

All the decisions made
My forgiveness
Giving you what you wanted
Endless friendship

All comes flooding back
Aching that never ceases
Suffocating heartbreak
Devastating despair

Tears fill my eyes
I shake my head
Refusing to give in
Feeling all that broke before

You chose another to have
So hurt I will not
Because me missing you
That you don’t deserve

Copyright 2015 ~SMH~

Sand

Sun causes the grains to glisten
Brown and white crystals
Miles to each side
Miles behind and in front

Sandy mess making up the land
The place where I sit
Gracing the water’s edge
Ocean’s playground

Riddled with shells
Disposal for the remnants
Particles of the sea
Big and small

My peaceful haven
Watching sand crabs dig
Waves crashing
A beautiful oasis

My heart is at peace
My soul is free
Knowing I will take this with me
In the sand that never goes away

Copyright 2015~SMH~

Cluttered

So filled
The mind that is mine
Millions of thoughts
Thousands of memories

Swimming around
Bumping into one another
Merging relentlessly
Combining with that they shouldn’t

Pushing
Shoving
Disappearing
Vanishing

Overpowering the positive
Overwhelming the necessary
Thoughts grasping at ropes
Trying to breath

All these negative thoughts
Taking over my mind
Not because they’re plentiful
Not because they should

Forgetting things I never did
Wishing for a clearer head
What I wouldn’t do
To clear this cluttered mind

Copyright 2015 ~SMH~

Let It Go (ramble)

As I was trying to drift off to sleep, I started to think about things in my life that I have been holding on to. Okay, so it is mainly people that I have been holding on to, but I digress. Anyway, as I thought about one person in particular, I started hearing “Let it go”…you know the song? Yeah, thanks for that Frozen. Anyway, as the phrase “let it go” musically lingered in my head, I began to contemplate this phrase in relation to my life.

Now, most would probably consider me an open book. Those people don’t actually know the half of it. However, I will admit the fact that I’ve got some heavy weight. A lot of us do. It is life.

As I was thinking about this person, I was thinking about the impact on my life. I then began thinking about a few other people and the impact that they have had. I would love to say that the majority of this impact is positive, but let’s face it…I probably wouldn’t be up at 11:30 at night with heavy eye lids if it was. The truth is, though these people have given me positive memories, they have also burdened me with a heavy weight because of the not so happy memories. However, it is not fair to blame them as a lot of it is on me. I mean it is me and my inability to let things go.

I mean again let’s face it, how many really can? The majority of us all hold on to people and things in hope of something. We definitely hold on to pain and resentment no matter how hard we try not to. When it is things, it is usually because of sentimental value that we think it still holds. The odds are that at some point that thing became nothing more than something to take up space. When it comes to people, it is usually the happy memories that they gave us despite all the bad. We don’t want to see what these things and people are really doing to us or it is our own fear of failing and giving up that whatever it is that continues to hold us to them. Truth is…we’re afraid of losing whatever it is within ourselves that we think that this person and/or things represent.

As I thought about these people as they are in my life. Though, I will not lie, I’ve got boxes of things to clear out. Anyway, as I thought mainly about the people that I truly do just need to let go, I began to picture a boat. A boat sinking and being weighed down by water. When you are in a boat and it is taking on water, when there is no escape what do you do? You start getting rid of the dead weight in attempts to make the boat not as heavy. We are the boats and everything else in our life is the water.

At points it is beautiful and peace. At other points, it is rough and the waves are shaking our boat and sometimes smashing parts of it. Eventually, if we are not careful we begin to take on water and most of us stubborn ones…well, we refuse to get rid of the dead weight. We think that we don’t need to do this, because it will all work out just fine. If doesn’t challenge us, it doesn’t change us. However, if we don’t change, the challenge becomes nothing more than a storm with us stuck in the middle of the ocean without a life jacket.

I think that this has been a long time in the making and though I am scared of what will happen, I know that it is time to start letting go and I don’t just mean talking about letting go. No, I mean truly letting go. Releasing the dead weight and bailing out the unnecessary water. I may still sink, but at least I will know that I did everything in my power to try and not.

I can’t tell you what to do with your boat, but for me…. “Let it go…let it go…can’t hold me back anymore” (and the cold never has bothered me anyway and you’ll never see me cry).

Say Yes

So, apparently this has been the week for “deep thoughts”. Yes, prepare yourselves, because that means another lengthy post.

About a week ago I made a couple of life altering choices. Most know this because of my status updates and some know the exact decisions made. When I made the biggest decision of all, I was so very excited. I mean, truly elated. I know so deeply that it is the right decision and I have this uncontrollable, passionate, “no word for it” emotion. I mean, to be honest, seeing where this path goes…well, it ranks right up there with seeing the Dawn of the Planet of the Apes in July. Yeah, that’s how serious I am about this decision.

Anyway, as the week has continued and I’ve been doing the things necessary to get the ball rolling, well, I’ve run into some bumps. Now, to show you how much I’ve grown..I’m calling them bumps. The old princess would have called them walls and said forget it, it wasn’t meant to be. There is a huge part of me that still wants to do this. The mistakes of the past are making it a little bit more difficult than anticipated. I knew there were going to be some blocks, but I wasn’t prepared for this.

So, as I was working out today, frustrated and pondering if I can really go through all of this and just have it fail, I started hearing the song by Michelle Williams, “Say yes”. Now, first off, the princess listens to rock and country. Anything else, well there are very few songs that make it through. However, this song is about Jesus. Now, before you think…oh, for the love, hear me out.

Most that know me know that though I believe wholeheartedly in the man above, truth be told, we’re not always on speaking terms. Alas, that is a conversation for another day. Now, back to my point. In this song are the lyrics, “When Jesus says yes, nobody can say no. When Jesus says yes, nobody can say no.” Guess what kept playing in my head as I was trying to talk myself into giving up.

Now, I thought about this for a moment, because like I said the Man and I, well, you’d probably have better luck getting me in a pair of red cowboy boots most days; especially, when I’m frustrated and feeling defeated. It made me think about the way that I was feeling when I initially made this decision, though. I was over elated and it was a feeling that I have never felt before. I mean that “without a doubt this is right” feeling. Do I think that was the Man above talking to me? Well, I stay off of religious soap boxes. Never discuss politics and religion in polite company. I do believe that it goes to say something about the choices we make.

We often make decisions that we have these said feelings about and as soon as we hit bumps we start doubting and trying to convince ourselves that it probably isn’t worth the hassle. Some of us, we start feeling defeated. Eventually, we even get to the point where we say forget it, even though somewhere inside there is a voice telling us not to give up. God, Jesus, Buddha, yourself, or whoever. Your belief determines the owner of that voice, but in the end it all says the same…something or someone wants you to hold on. Especially, if we had that “no word for it” passion that we made the right decision.

So, now that I’ve already rambled forever. I know, I know, deal with it. My point is simple, if you have that decision or that thing that you are absolutely passionately elated about…don’t let the road blocks keep you from it. If something says yes, nobody can say no. It’s all up to you, you are in control. (I’ve really got to stop quoting songs).

Live, laugh, love, and let it ride, my darlins.

2 Second Rant

This is my two second rant.  It is actually longer than two seconds depending on how fast you read.  I could consider it longer than two seconds considering how long it took me to type it, but that is neither here nor there.  Anyway, with that said.  Here is my rant.

I just read something that struck a chord with me and so I would like to put this out there for thought.

For every soft drink or soft drink size that gets banned, that is less profit for the company. Less profit for the company means less employees that they will need. Less employees needed means the more people looking for work. For every fast food restaurant that is under attack or told that they need to revise their menu to not sale this or not sale that, it potentially means less profit for the company. Less profit for the company means less employees are needed. The less employees needed means the more people out of work. Are we seeing a pattern here?

We all have the option to eat healthy. We all have the option to not eat healthy. We also have the ability to determine how OFTEN we dine on these luxuries. It goes with that free will that they are so trying convince that we still have. People have a right to eat and live (within the law) how they choose. People do not go to McDonald’s for the stellar salads. Yes, it has become a popular option, but seriously…Big Macs and Shakes. It is not McDonald’s fault that they are such a convenience or that people have ultimately become less active and therefore heavier in their lives. This is not on McDonald’s, this on us as individuals.

With that rant aside, my point is, by allowing places and OTHER people (POLITICAL PEOPLE) to dictate what we are allowed to buy and when we are allowed to buy it, we are creating a place where these companies such as McDonald’s, Pepsi, and other soft drink makers are not needed. This in returns creates less job options for people. Less job options for people means less people working and less people that can afford to live. Hmm….seems like a pretty bad frickin’ move, huh?

I’m done. Thank you for your time.

~The Princess~ (as known to most of my friends)